I’m still here. I promise. It has been over a month and a half since my last post, and this is not necessarily a normal length update, but rather a snippet of me saying I’ve missed this blog and that I promise this summer I will have time to catch up on so much from this semester.
THREE MORE DAYS until I can say I’m officially 25% a dentist. I find myself always saying this of life, but the past couple of months have truly been a blur. There have been countless exams, anatomy dissections, final lab practicals, very late nights, laughs, tears, celebrations, and more shenanigans of the first year of dental school as always.
I think I haven’t written in so long because at the end of most days when my head longs to hit the pillow, my brain and heart both seem as though they might just pop any minute. That is part of why I do love the outlet of blogging: to get those words and thoughts OUT. As a pretty clear 50/50 extro/introvert, some days one side wins over the other, but writing has always proven to be a steady and reliable compromise between word vomit and silence for me. A very apparent part of who I am is that I always strive to maintain a level of honestly and transparency about my life. I’m not a fan of facades, surface level conversations and relationships, or faking like everything is just constantly peachy when we are all human. We have got to start being real with each other. Between a very heavy stretch of school and doing what I can to finish up the semester strong, an ample amount of roller coaster changes in my family and friendships, and putting any efforts I do have towards labored prayers, I simply haven’t had the time or emotional energy to combat my weariness in order to write my usual bubbly and witty posts about life as a twenty something dental student in a new city. I will be in Philadelphia most of the summer working a community health type of internship but with a lot more time off NOT STUDYING nights and weekends, so I know that consistently blogging again is definitely on the summer bucket list. I will do my best to bring back more of the light hearted posts about the shambles of learning to be a dentist, too. School is honestly hilarious sometimes.
God has sometimes felt far these days, but I fight to believe that He is in fact near and still pursues me relentlessly despite my apathy. He still speaks to me through warm summer-y bike rides along the river, laughing/crying with a dear friend over a beautiful Italian dinner or post-church brunch, or through the constant reminder of his faithfulness that I am even here at Penn in dental school, pursuing the passion HE has given me. At the end of the day, I deeply pray that the story I’m telling and my new season of life here this past year has somehow, someway, not by MY efforts but His Grace, been a picture of how God redeems the brokenness.
Peace, my friends. I’ll be back very soon, and then you can call my (1/4) Dr. Jessie.